Have you stopped looking to your partner for comfort? Do you feel bitter? Are you questioning why you ever trusted your partner so much? You may have suffered an attachment injury. As humans, we need love to thrive so getting hurt by someone we love and get love from can be  devastating. Attachment injuries are common in adult romantic relationships because of the trust we put in our partner and the intensity of emotional connection we have with them. 

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Attachment wounds are basically major breaches of trust that can be related to a specific incident (infidelity, one partner's unexpected reaction to a diagnosis, illness, a forgotten birthday or anniversary, etc.) or can be the result of chronic negative behaviors (emotional abuse, verbal abuse). You can think of attachment injuries as relationship traumas and as such we need to distinguish them from the normal highs and lows that happen in a relationship. 

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If you feel that your partner let you down when you needed them the most, your trust in them erodes, especially if they have been minimizing, dismissing or mocking how you feel about it. If this behavior becomes a pattern you get stuck in the chronic attachment injury territory and it can be really difficult to break from. Once there is mistrust, there is less vulnerability and your relationship might be surviving, but definitely not thriving at that point. 

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Often, both partners have attachment wounds and those create shame in both partners. Shame is the strongest negative emotion humans experience because it is extremely isolating: we sit with shame alone, spiraling further into a deep dark hole, becoming more and more disconnected from our partner. The wounded partner tends to also experience betrayal which leads to grief and anger. 

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I specialize in guiding couples through the process of healing those attachment injuries and rebuilding their connection. Healing is absolutely possible but will definitely not happen overnight. Patience, perseverance and commitment will be needed from both of you here. 

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How I Can Help:

1. Safe and Supportive Environment: I am committed to fostering an atmosphere of trust and understanding. The two of you will need to have repeated healing conversations around the attachment wound. I will help you feel more empowered to say: I can't control the hurt, but I can control what I do about it. You will be also asked to do extra self-care because you really need it. 

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2. Exploring Root Causes: To heal attachment injuries, it's essential to understand their origins. I work collaboratively with you to explore past experiences and identify the root causes of attachment injuries, creating a foundation for targeted healing. It's important to understand why an offending event was particularly damaging to the wounded partner. Figuring out your attachment style will also help us to see how that impacted the level of hurt you experienced. 

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3. Communication Enhancement: I will guide you in developing healthier communication patterns, ensuring that you both feel heard, validated, and understood. It's necessary to address the betrayal, the shame and the grief that often linger around in a relationship that suffered an attachment wound. 

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4. Rebuilding Trust: I employ evidence-based techniques to rebuild trust, helping partners feel secure and confident in the strength of their emotional connection. With renewed trust, it is possible to have changes in behavior. Remorse and empathy will need to be tapped into by the wounded partner. New boundaries might need to be created and respected. 

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5. Emotion-Focused Therapy: My therapeutic approach to attachment injuries is rooted in Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), among others. By focusing on emotions and fostering empathy, I help couples create a more secure and emotionally attuned bond. Understanding your conflict cycle is key here as well: there is often a pattern that you fall prey to and get stuck in argument traps, not getting to the core issues that led to feelings of abandonment and betrayal. 

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