Values Misalignment

Are you getting burnt out on constant misunderstandings and clashes in your relationship? Arguments that go nowhere? 

Why do you not call me when you're on the way home? You never spend time with me, all you do is watch sports on TV! I can't stand that you don't let me throw away all the crap in the garage! You never do the things I like! How can you possibly not think that Seinfeld is funny? 

Often, the reason you are getting stuck in the same patterns and conflicts is that deep down, your values are not aligned and then all the superficial and even silly arguments are just a byproduct of the deep-rooted difference that keeps popping up like a pesky autoimmune disease. 

Being with someone who doesn't share your values can be painful and destructive. It can erode your sense of wellbeing pretty quickly. But it doesn't have to stay this way! 

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Why Values Matter:

In every relationship, individuals bring their unique set of values, shaped by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and individual beliefs. While differences can enrich the tapestry of a partnership, they can also become sources of tension and conflict when not understood or addressed. Recognizing and respecting these differences is essential for fostering a healthy, thriving relationship. Being in a relationship with mismatched values doesn't make you or your partner bad. 

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How We Can Work On Value Misalignment Together: 

1. Open Communication: The oldie but a goodie. First, it is necessary to set the stage for open and honest communication. By helping you learn healthier communication skills , you will be more encouraged and supported to express your values, needs, and concerns without judgment. Both partners' values are important. 

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2. Understanding Each Other: Through a personalized and empathetic exploration, we delve into the roots of your individual values. Understanding where these values come from is key to fostering empathy and building a bridge between differing perspectives. I have several thought-provoking worksheets that help with clarifying values. We also work on getting you both to learn how to notice when you're in misalignment with your values. It's easier for some than others to notice and acknowledge an internal conflict. 

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3. Common Ground Exploration: We work together to identify common ground where your values align. By focusing on shared aspirations and goals, we help build a foundation that can strengthen your connection and create a sense of unity. We tackle tough questions, such as: What of yourself do you see in your partner? Do you see yourself in the decisions they make? In the way they behave, in the way they think about the world, life and relationships? 

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4. Developing Compromise Strategies: Not all values need to be identical for a relationship to thrive and not all values misalignments will be solvable but I will guide you through developing compromise strategies that honor each other's values while finding a middle ground that allows both partners to feel heard and respected. We look at what values are critical, what values you could potentially give up on, and which values are something you won't budge on. 

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5. Strengthening Connection: The ultimate goal here is to strengthen the emotional connection between you and your partner. By navigating values mismatch with sensitivity and understanding, we pave the way for a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.

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You're no longer alone in the maddening cycle of constant misunderstandings. I can guide you through the process of figuring out, accepting, and navigating values mismatch. Let's get you to a more harmonious relationship. Life is short. Contact me to schedule a consultation.